Just a Heads Up on the Apocalypse.

By Beelzebub T. Devil  

 Hi Ho campers, just in case you haven't been paying attention. The Rapture occurred and you missed it. So if you are reading this, WELCOME TO HELL! Enjoy your stay.

I know it looks just like America and you are asking;" Where is the lake of fire? What about the boiling oil waterfalls?" Budgetary constraints. That is why I am terribly behind schedule. It's kind of like opening an amusement park six months ahead of scheduled construction. Half the rides don't work. Not enough money. Sorry but we had to open to avoid daily late charges. Pluss I can't file any form of bankruptcy. 

 Unlike "YOU KNOW WHO." (The creator of everything.) I don't have an unlimited budget. He can just say the word and ZAP, plesiosaur!

 Down here it's different. I'm bound by private, corporate, and personal contracts that would choke a dozen lawyers. (Hold that thought.) I've signed treaties and accords that would send an army of diplomats screaming into the night. Real EPA standards apply. Tougher than California. 
Thanks to the EPA, I have to cut carbon emissions six percent per year. Down here, lignite coal is king. So for the immediate future, no lake of fire, no boiling oil waterfalls. Due to budgetary constraints, I was forced to move Hell to America. Pluss, I had to lay off 2,000,000 demons. Do you know what their unemployment insurance costs me? It should be illegal. Who thought up all these laws? (oh ya... YOU KNOW WHO.)

 The difference between Hell and the Republican party is, at least in hell there are rules. Do you know how hard it is to comply with the law? OH? Excuse me, I forgot the republicans dropped rule of law for rule of Trump. So I can't afford the first class Hell I've been promising for years. Call it a second class hell.

 For starters, there are no credit cards. There is no deposit spending of any kind. Here nothing is moral but it is legal. (Wink. Wink.) I'm doing the best job I can and stay within budget.


 So for the immediate future, there will be no lake of fire. Scratch the boiling oil waterfalls. I've got to do this on the cheap. You know, Trump style.

 Speaking of that devil, Trump is in charge of the Department of Irritation and Aggravation. Such a deal I got in Trump. He does everything cheaper than any body. He cuts corners so much....how much? So much that the law has to force him to pay his people and his debts (only applicable since the apocalypse.)

 I know Donny John Trump will do his very best to help create the best second class hell money can buy. On the cheap. I have put in charge the best misanthrope I can afford. Second class management for a truly second class Hell. Trump. 
   
Again sorry for the delays. Horribly Yours. Beelzebub 
                                                                                                                             


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